Wife confronts husband for taking all the credit after paying for family dinner with their joint bank accounts, he totally misses the point: "That was better left unsaid"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 29, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Hola, chicas. It's hard not to get recognition for your work. Unfortunately, oftentimes, women do not get the credit they deserve for the effort that they put in. Women have historically paid less for doing the same amount of work as their male counterparts. Female researchers have been left uncredited for their participation in important important scientific discoveries. On a more mundane scale, it is not unusual for women's efforts in the home to go unnoticed by their families. For example, many moms find their stockings empty on Christmas day while the rest of the family indulges in her holidays efforts. 

In our story today, a woman confronts her husband for taking full credit for paying for a family dinner with their joint account. When confronted, it is clear that he does not understand that her issue was not with the money. To get the full account of the event, scroll down below!

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  • 01

    AITA calling out my partner taking credit paying restaurant bill he paid on our joint account?

    "My point wasn't about money, it was about him taking the credit and not correcting the kids." 7 Го
    via towfiqu barbhuiya

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So we (me F53) and my partner (M57) took our collective kids out for dinner tonight. My partner paid the bill and as usual paid on our joint account. (He sometimes picks the bill up himself but more often it's the joint account that gets used). On the
    via u/Glitterbug-711
  • 03
    way home his daughter and her boyfriend made a point of thanking him directly for the meal and he acknowledged saying something along the lines of 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' I didn't say anything in front of the kids but when home I
    via u/Glitterbug-711
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10461146368
    via DragonImages

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    checked he'd used the joint account, and when he confirmed he had I asked why he'd not corrected the kids that it wasn't just him that had paid. He went off at me for ruining a good night and that I was being picky about paying the bill, completely
    via u/Glitterbug-711
  • 06
    missing my point. My point wasn't about money, it was about him taking the credit and not correcting the kids. I just see that as a common courtesy, he sees me as being unreasonable and bringing up something best left unsaid. So AITA here? Should I have just let it go?
    via u/Glitterbug-711
  • 07
    Hiply YTA - at least from my 'many years married' point of view. When we take the kids, siblings, whoever, out to dinner we always use our joint card and whichever one of us pays doesn't matter. When
    via u/Hiply
  • 08
    whoever we've bought dinner for says "Thank you" the response is simply "You're welcome" not "Don't just thank me, it's a joint account so thank him too". You're being too sensitive here.
    via u/Hiply
  • 09
    Panic AtTheGaslight I would've agreed with you if they were OP's kids. But they're NOT OP's kids and that makes a HUGE difference.
    via u/PanicAtTheGaslight
  • 10
    OP isn't too sensitive. She raised a valid issue with her husband and instead of saying "oh sorry, you're right, I'll be more cognizant of that going forward", he decided to get I with OP about it. Husband is 100% the a h le here!
    via u/PanicAtTheGaslight
  • 11
    Urban Legendd They thanked the person that grabbed the bill off the table and paid it. That's what people do. He said you're welcome, also what people do when being thanked for something.
    via u/UrbanLegendd
  • 12
    Starting a fight with your husband after because he didn't say something along the lines of "please thank your stepmother as well as we share finances and it was her money too" is not what people do. That's what insecure and overly sensitive people want.
    via u/UrbanLegendd
  • 13
    mazamatazz But she didn't say anything in front of the adult kids. She simply raised her feelings with her partner, which isn't an AH move and in this case definitely not. He could simply have shared the credit saying "oh we covered dinner jointly actually, but Glitterbug and I say you're very welcome"
    via u/mazamatazz
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10461146112
    via Photodjo

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Forward_Scheme5033 YTA. If you wanted some credit and are that petty to be bothered by it, you could've mentioned it in conversation when they thanked your partner. Like, "no problem y'all, we're happy to treat you every now and then. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Waiting just to pick a silly fight later is dumb.
    via u/Forward_Scheme5033
  • 16
    Brrringsaythealiens This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George's girlfriend handed Elaine the big salad. I would ask OP if she really wants to be George Costanza as she goes through life.
    via u/Brrringsaythealiens
  • 17
    Paiger2676 YTA. Flip the situation around. If it were your kid doing the thanking to just you, would you have said something about you both paying? Also, how would you have felt if your husband had said something to you after just like you did to him?
    via u/Paiger2676
  • 18
    Happy_to_be Yes, I would have said WE are happy to treat you.
    via u/Happy_to_be
  • 19
    alm423 I would too. I am shocked at how many people think she is the A H especially after, she didn't say anything in front of the kids, and was still blamed for ruining a good night. It discredits her contribution to their finances. I also see a
    via u/alm423

  • It's not wrong to bring something up in private that made you feel a certain way. She didn't seem accusatory; she was just expressing how she felt about the situation. 

  • 20
    lot, which might not be their situation, adult kids saying things like, "my stepmother makes my dad pay for everything," or, "my stepdad makes my mom pay for everything." I have heard this in real life many times.
    via u/alm423
  • 21
    VmBahabug Is it that big of a deal tho? You say he sometimes pays or it's paid from the joint account. I don't think anyone's an AH but mostly cause it seems so trivial, unless there's more to the story?
    via u/VmBahabug
  • 22
    NTA Canyouhelpmeottawa You both put money in that account, you both made dinner. You did half the work but are getting none of the credit.
    via u/Canyouhelpmeottawa
  • 23
    I bet if you bought all the Xmas gifts with the joint account and only put your name on them he would all be ped.
    via u/Canyouhelpmeottawa
  • 24
    No_Garbage3192 YTA. He didn't take credit in spite of you. He barely took credit at all. His daughter thanked him and he replied. That's it. No big deal, but you made it out to be.
    via u/No_Garbage3192
  • 25
    ThoughtLegal8887 NTA. i can see how people think it's overreacting but honestly, in a relationship you should want to champion your partner! especially in front of children because this is how ideas form that aren't necessarily true. idk if this is the case but often. children grow up and cite experiences like this as
    via u/ThoughtLegal8887

  • It was on our protagonist's husband to point out that the dinner was paid, in part, by her. It's just a courtesy. 

  • 26
    evidence that their dad is more generous! definitely depends on how often this happens and if he does it in other contexts too. like imagine you cut up fruit but he brings it up to the kids, accepts their thanks and doesn't mention that you cut it. i think it's weirder that he didn't mention you than the fact that you asked him to.
    via u/ThoughtLegal8887
  • 27
    if he pays with the joint account and doesn't give you a shout out then your contribution is ignored. i think with gift giving (no matter how small) all participants should be mentioned - like how couples/families sign the same card.
    via u/ThoughtLegal8887
  • 28
    also OP has said in the comments that she says it's from both of them when she pays with the joint account.
    via u/ThoughtLegal8887
  • 29
    ilovemelongtime ...because this is how ideas form that aren't necessarily true. This one. A lot of people really don't understand the disrespect and conflict that stepmoms (more often than stepdads) get for simply living. together. If she's not getting acknowledged again, he is still reinforcing the idea that their stepmom 'doesn't care' and 'pays for nothing, probably a golddigger!
    via u/ilovemelongtime
  • 30
    OP said that this has happened repeatedly. I can absolutely see why she'd be hurt that once again she's not acknowledged for contributing anything to his kids.
    via u/ilovemelongtime
  • 31
    Top_Diamond5312 YTA. It's his daughter and she thanked her Dad for dinner. Sheesh.
    via u/Top_Diamond5312
  • 32
    MolassesInevitable53 Dinner that he paid using money that (presumably) both he and OP earned.
    via u/MolassesInevitable53
  • 33
    Red-Octopus91 Exactly! He's not using only his own money to show off, he's using her money too to do it. If he's so generous, why not use his own account?
    via u/Red-Octopus91

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